Archive for December, 2015

3 Sentenced To Death In Bangladesh For Killing Atheist Blogger

December 31, 2015

Dhaka (AP) — A court in Bangladesh has sentenced three people to death and five others to prison for killing an atheist blogger in 2013.

Judge Sayeed Ahmed announced the decision Thursday in a Dhaka courtroom in the presence of seven defendants charged with murder in the death of Ahmed Rajib Haider.

Ahmed Rajib Haider’s murder was religiously inspired, retribution for his outspoken criticism of Islamic fundamentalism and intolerance.

The blogger was a campaigner for banning the Islamist Jamaat-e-Islami party, which opposed Bangladesh’s independence from Pakistan in 1971.

One of the three who got the death sentence was tried in absentia.

The judge sentenced three others to 10 years in prison, another to five and another to three years.

Haider’s father rejected the verdict saying all the defendants deserved the death sentence. We agree completely.

Child’s Description Of Heaven During Near-Death Experience Specifically Mentions Book Deal

 

December 31 2015bookdeal

NEW YORK—Speaking for the first time since waking from a medically induced coma following a devastating car accident, 8-year-old Aiden Miller recounted an extremely vivid near-death experience Friday that reportedly contained detailed descriptions of heaven, angels, and a six-figure book deal. “I was walking up in the clouds and met friends, and strangers, and all these famous people who talked with me about all kinds of things and brought up the possibility of selling the rights to my story to a big-name publisher,” said the second-grader, who attested that during the five-minute period in which his heart had stopped on the operating table, he ascended to a shining, golden paradise where he says he met with the archangel Gabriel and a literary agent who has helped a number of authors secure multi-book deals with lucrative worldwide book tours. “Jesus was sitting at the right hand of God and my grandfather was right there, and they looked at me and smiled at each other and said I should ask for an $80,000 advance with 10 percent of back-end profits.” Miller added that he felt a profound sense of peace and well-being when Jesus told him to go forth and seek a blockbuster deal for the movie rights.

Thanks to TheOnion.com for this excellent article.

Pink Nuns Pray Non-Stop For Over 100 Years… Discover That It Doesn’t Help

December 18. 2015

 

pinknuns

We have prayed for peace in the Middle East, an end to violence in the US, bankers to show some compassion, a solution nto global warming and a whole lot of other things. None of it worked. We must be doing it wrong. Either that or praying is a total waste of time.

 

PHILADELPHIA — For more than 100 years, the cloistered nuns known as the Pink Sisters have worked in shifts to ensure nonstop prayer in Philadelphia’s Chapel of Divine Love.

Now, to address their shrinking numbers and ensure their prayers continue for another century, the Roman Catholic Holy Spirit Adoration sisters have begun quietly reaching out, seeking to grow their order while carefully maintaining their secluded life.

In the last year, they hung a banner outside their chapel and convent as a way to let other people know about their daily public Masses. They’ve granted more interviews with news reporters. And they have begun inviting Catholic women’s organizations and schools to speak to the sisters — with all conversations taking place through the grille in the convent visiting room, of course.

There’s even a subtle recruitment flier hanging just inside the front door of the chapel. It encourages visitors to ask themselves three questions: Do you love Jesus in the Blessed Sacrament? Do you realize the power of prayer before the Blessed Sacrament? Is Jesus calling you to say “yes” to a life of prayer before the Blessed Sacrament?

“We rarely reached out for vocation promotion before the centennial. But now we want young ladies to see how beautiful the life is and how truer the joy when it is without the trappings of material things,” said Sister Maria Clarissa, 55. “We do our part in addressing these challenges, but at the same time, we leave it to the Lord. He’s the one who calls.”
A Pink Nun stands before the altar at the Chapel of Divine Love in Philadelphia on Dec. 22.Photo: AP

There were once as many as 40 nuns living in the Philadelphia convent. Now there are 20: The youngest is 52, and the oldest is 90.

Don’t Act So Surprised: The Pope Still Sucks

 

An excerpt from  Don’t Act So Surprised: The Pope Still Sucks, by Jo Pincushion.


Pope Franny (which is what I’m going to call him) is just another beaming icon for a backwards institution that is losing its followers at a dramatic rate.  The church refuses to move ahead in a world filled with social reform.  Which isn’t really a surprise because the Catholic Church is usually the last to Yeah, I'm a bit of an asshole.back any social justice related issues until the majority of the world has already done so.  Oh, by the way– way to apologize for the Holocaust in 1998.  YA WERE A BIT LATE ON THAT ONE.

Pope Franny, who comes from a country where gay marriage is legal, stands strong against homosexuality– calling it a “machination of the Father of Lies that seeks to confuse and deceive the children of God.”  Meaning he doesn’t  just think this is a political issue–but a straight up hell on earth scenario.  He’s even called adoption on behalf of homosexual couples “discrimination against children.” *ahem* Says the guy who now head’s the world’s largest pedophile relocation program.

His conservative views on birth control make my eyes roll so hard inside my skull that I’m surprised they haven’t fallen out of their sockets.  Pope Francis believes in helping the poor, but he fails to recognize the fact that forbidding the use of birth control only increases the likelihood of overpopulation and poverty around the globe.

Condoms “may be permissible” to prevent the spread of STDs–but you know, you shouldn’t be having sex until you’re married anyway.  He calls the pro-choice movement “the culture of death”, and opposed President Fernandez’s movement towards free birth control in Argentina.  Yes, every sperm is sacred, and making responsible decisions when it comes to bringing people into this world is evil.


Read the full blog entry: Don’t Act So Surprised: The Pope Still Sucks


Pope Bids On and Wins Artist’s Conceptual Work

 

A rare shot of the Pope signaling the winning bid for a artist’s rendition of Mary Magdalene fucking a goat. “I’sa so happy,” the Pope was heard to remark, “Thisa weel go perfecto witha my charcoal drawing ofa Jesus having a foursome with Mohammed anda two little boysa!

After winning the painting, the Pope was heard to say that he would be retiring to his private room to spend some “quality time” alone with the image and a box of Kleenex®.

pg-34-pope-getty

 

 

Mississippi Pastor Arrested On Child Sex Abuse Charges

 

Tommy Joe NewberryTommy Joe Newberry, child rapist

December 25, 2015

Washington County Sheriff Richard Stringer told FOX10 News Tommy Joe Newberry was taken into custody Wednesday afternoon.

Sheriff Stringer said Newberry was placed under a $36,000 bond Friday.

Investigators say Newberry, who is the pastor of the Red Creek Church of God in Buckatunna, Mississippi, is facing several charges of sexual abuse, sodomy and sexual enticement of a child.

Sheriff Stringer said complaints had been filed against the pastor three years ago, but investigators weren’t able to collect enough evidence to make an arrest.

Stringer said this time around, several victims have come forward with shocking stories about Newberry.

“Recently within the last few weeks, we reopened the case, we started doing more investigating, and that was due to one of the victims coming in, talking with us, saying that he had been having a real problem for the last few months about what had happened to him, a few years back with this pastor,” said Stringer.

The victims, say investigators, were allegedly all males ranging in age from 11 to 15 years of age.

Sheriff Stringer said Newberry is also director of a Youth Camp in Gilbertown.

Brace Yourselves, Rednecks, This Is Going To Scare You

blackjesus

Pope Rummaging Through Vatican Basement For Plastic Nativity Scene Figures

 

francis xmasDecember 23, 2015

VATICAN CITY—Hoping to have all his holiday decorations up by the weekend, His Holiness Pope Francis has spent the past two hours rummaging through the basement of the papal apartments in search of the Vatican’s plastic nativity scene figures, sources confirmed Friday.

After climbing over dusty cases of sacramental wine and bins filled with mothballed vestments, the pope reportedly found the set’s plywood manger in a corner of the room near the sump pump, though sources noted he has yet to locate all the blow-molded polyethylene representations of the Holy Family and their Christmas visitors.

“Oh, come on, where’s the third wise man?” the spiritual leader of 1.2 billion Roman Catholics said as he pushed aside several priceless Raphael and Fra Angelico paintings to peer into a cardboard box, aided by the dim light of a bare bulb hanging overhead. “I could’ve sworn I put him away with everybody else. There’s a ton of donkeys and sheep in here, but a lot of good that does me with only two wise men. Jeez.”

“I don’t have time for this,” he added. “I’ve still got an epistle that needs to be finished.”

Designed for outdoor use, the 14-piece set of internally lit plastic figurines was first purchased by Pope John Paul II in 1981, and every year since, according to Vatican observers, the reigning pontiff has personally assembled the nativity scene outside the Apostolic Palace in Saint Peter’s Square. The display, including the colored lights that outline the manger and wrap around a few of the piazza’s iconic Tuscan colonnades, is reportedly powered by an extension cord running from an outlet in the papal garage.

After testing to confirm that Mary would still light up when plugged in, Francis noted that the winters had taken their toll on the Blessed Virgin, wearing away most of the paint on her face. He also added that he would likely have to display the statue of a kneeling Joseph at an awkward angle, so as to obscure the dent in his head suffered during Benedict XVI’s papacy.

Sources within the Holy See said that Francis has expressed dismay at his predecessor’s lax oversight of the nativity scene, complaining about last Christmas—his first since assuming the Chair of St. Peter—when two long-missing shepherds and an Angel of the Lord were eventually discovered in a tub mislabeled “winter coats.”

“You know what? I don’t think this baby Jesus is even from the same set,” said the pope in audible exasperation, pointing out that the unpainted plastic infant he found beneath a tangled ball of Christmas lights and a bag of old palm ashes had a much more simplistic design than the rest of the figures. “Ugh. I honestly wouldn’t mind if I thought people wouldn’t notice, but he might not even fit inside the manger.”

“He’s nearly the same size as Mary, for God’s sake,” Francis continued.

According to reports, the Holy Father spent 15 minutes this morning on an unsuccessful attempt to assemble the Christ Child’s crib, but after snapping the dowel used to hold its wooden slats together, he is said to have tossed the whole thing aside in frustration.

Exhausted from his search through the basement, the 77-year-old pontiff reportedly grew even more aggravated after banging his knee on a table and knocking over a stack of relics, including several shards from the True Cross and a wrist bone of St. Gregory the Great.

“Well, it looks like we’re going without a Star of Bethlehem this year,” the pope said before emitting an extended sigh. “We’ve got so many goddamn packages of tinsel down here, I guess I’ll just dangle some of that from the roof and call it a day. If Cardinal [Angelo] Sodano complains, he can deal with it himself. I’ve already spent way too much time on this.”

Added the pope, “Right now, I really need to climb to the top of the Basilica dome and get Santa’s sleigh mounted on the roof.”

 

Thanks to TheOnion.com for this excellent peek into the private life of the pops.

Do Christians and Muslims Worship the Same God?

Do Christians and Muslims Worship the Same God?

Do they worship a god that doesn’t exist: YES.
Do they worship a religion based on a fairy tale: YES.
Does their religion make utterly ridiculous and impossible claims: YES.
Do they believe that their religion is the true religion, and all others are going to hell: YES.
Do they have a history of centuries of violent acts committed in the name of their god: YES.
Do they hate gay people and want to kill them? YES.
Do they have a long, proven history of molesting children? YES.

Sure enough, it seems like they DO worship the same god.

Michele Bachmann Doesn’t Want A Theocracy In America…

… she just wants a government based on Christianity.

 

bachman

Sex Between Teacher And High School Students As Part Of A Christian Training Program.

Haeli WeyHaeli Wey, good Christian fucker of young boys

A 28-year-old high school maths teacher, Haeli Way,  has been arrested over alleged sexual relationships with two 17-year-old students.

Haeli Wey, who taught math at Westlake High School in Austin, Texas, was booked into jail Thursday after claims emerged that she had sex with a student ten times after seducing him on a Christian training program.

The unnamed student told sheriff’s deputies that he slept with Wey in August and September of 2015 before breaking off the relationship when he heard about a second love interest.

The other student said he went on a hike with Wey in September and admitted kissing her in a hammock according to KVUE.

Wey was charged with two counts of conducting an improper relationship between educator and student.

According to the Texas penal code, the charge covers engaging in ‘sexual contact, sexual intercourse, or deviate [anal or oral] sexual intercouse’ with an enrolled student.

The second-degree felony can be punished with as much as 20 years in prison.

The first student told deputies that Wey and he had sex ‘approximately ten times’ after meeting him at a student ministry event.

Wey then accompanied the student and his family to Africa, where the relationship continued before foundering after they got back.

50 Counts Of Faith-Based Prison Rape

Kenneth DewittKenneth Dewitt, rapist chaplain

Yeah, baby, come to Jesus.

December 19. 2015

A former prison chaplain at a women’s prison in Newport, Arkansas, was charged with 50 counts of sexual assault involving three inmates on Thursday.

Authorities allege that Kenneth Dewitt, 67, forced three female inmates at McPherson Unit into oral sex and intercourse on a regular basis, and told them that no one would believe them if they reported the abuse to officials.

The alleged assaults took place between January 2013 and September 2014, when Dewitt resigned over separate allegations that he had a sexual relationship with a fellow employee.

“He simply took advantage of his position to have his way with these inmates,” said prosecuting attorney Henry Boyce, who announced the charges.

Arkansas law prohibits members of the clergy and employees of correctional facilities from engaging in sexual contact with inmates, Boyce said, and Dewitt was both at the time of the alleged assaults.

In affidavits obtained from the Jackson County Circuit Clerk’s office, three female inmates told police that Dewitt sexually assaulted them after they became involved in the faith-based program he started, called Principles and Applications for Life.

 

 

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