Archive for October, 2015

Clarity, Thy Name Is Prophet Magaya

October 28, 2015

 

Prophet Magaya

 

One of his followers asked Zimbabwean Prophet Magaya why so many of his prophesies never materialized.

Magaya said : “ A prophecy is not complete if it is not accompanied by one’s deliverance and testimony. You can be told your name and ID number but that won’t change your life because you already know all that. It is also not necessary to reduce one’s shoe size when you can channel that same opportunity to healing someone who is dying of cancer.”

 

Um,.. Okay. Wait.,, What?

 

 

Fugitive Catholic Priest Finally Caught And Arrested For Raping 9-Year-Old Girl

October 28, 2015

 

Edwin Figarez

Edwin Figarez, A 44-year-old Catholic priest, who allegedly raped a 9-year-old girl in Thrissur, Kerala, has been arrested from Nagarcoil in Tamil Nadu, India. He had been on the run since April 25, after the girl’s family registered a police complaint claiming the priest had sexually assaulted the girl several times in April.

According to the police, the girl was sexually assaulted by the priest thrice in April, after he promised to give her free robes for the Holy Communion. The priest allegedly also took nude photographs of the child on his mobile phone.

The priest has been relieved of his duties by the Thrissur Arch Diocese.

The police have slapped charges under Section-376 (1) of the Indian Penal Code, Section-66 (a) of the IT Act and Section-4 of the Protection of Infants from Sexual Offences Act, 2012, apart from other provisions in the IPC, all of which are non-bailable clauses.

Section-66 (E) of the IT Act has been invoked against the priest for allegedly photographing the girl.

Seventh Day Adventist Church In Liberia Used Fake Ebola Victims To Defraud Relief Agencies Of Over $100,000

liberia

October 28. 2015

Monrovia – The outbreak of Ebola in Liberia has been serving as a cash cow for institutions, Liberians and officials who have been using the crisis to seek donations from foreign partners only to amass wealth. During the heat of the outbreak, many public officials and civil society actors solicited huge sum of money from donor partners under the guise of fighting the virus from Liberia. Many donor partners pumped in money to support the fight against Ebola from Liberia and keep survivors of the virus in good health.

One humanitarian organization that was involved in the fight against Ebola from the region is the Seventh Days Advantage (SDA) Church developmental arm, the Adventist Development and Relief Agency (ADRA) Germany. Audio recording and documents in the possession of the FrontPageAfrica reveal that ADRA Germany during the Ebola crisis donated over US$100,000 (hundred thousand) to ADRA Liberia to support Ebola survivors in Liberia under a special project headed by the Executive Director of ADRA Liberia, Anthony Zaizay and Pastor Youkonjay Barnard, coordinated by Jerry Doe of ADRA Liberia.

In one of the audio recordings the Finance Director of ADRA, a pastor of the Better Living SDA Church on 12th Street Sinkor, Youkonjay Benard is heard instructing one of his colleagues to fake the names of Ebola survivors. The ADRA Germany project was intended to help Ebola victims in Liberia who lost their personal belongings through burning and homes destroyed.

 

 

Whitney Houston And Mohammar Gadhafi In Hell

hell trip

October 28, 2015

Woman Narrates Her 2nd Visit To Hell

A Sierra Leonean woman, Linda Kumba Isatu Ngaujah, claims to have died on Friday, February 15, 2015 and went to hell where she had encounters with demons and the Devil (Satan). She also visited heaven and had a divine encounter with Jesus Christ.

She came back with specific messages from Gaddafi, Whitney Houston and former President of Guinea, Lansana Conte. She was also sent back with specific warnings from Jesus Christ to popular Ministers of the Gospel in Sierra Leone and Nigeria.

And Jesus pulled out a man from the fire and he introduced himself to me. He said, “I am Gaddafi” (because you won’t recognize him because the fire has destroyed him. He said, “I am Gaddafi, former Libyan president.”

Gaddafi said, “Tell my Libyan people to worship Jesus.” He said, “Tell my people to believe in Jesus.” He said, “Ah Jesus, have mercy, I never knew you are the right way, have mercy on me.” He said, even the people who killed him on earth, he doesn’t want them to come to hell. He said, “Tell my people to believe that Jesus is the right way.”

I saw one woman – a musician I liked so much – I always listened to her music when I was in the world – Whitney Houston. She said, “tell my mother to take my only daughter to church, that all the finances I left behind should be used to support God’s work. Let them support Jesus’ ministry, let them support holiness ministries, let them support God’s work. Let them support Christians – the right Christians. She said she wants her child to grow in Christ and know Jesus.“Please tell my mother.” “Jesus, please have mercy! Let me go back to the world and tell people that you are real! Let me tell these musicians!” And Jesus said, “It is too late!”.

 

Jim Morrison, Tammy Fay Bakker and Robert H. Schuller were busy signing autographs and were not available for interviews.
Linda Kumba Isatu Ngaujah’s next visit to hell is scheduled for January 30, 2017, just after the swearing in of the new US president, Donald Trump, where she expects to run into Jeb Bush and Hillary Clinton..

Jesus Christ, Or Possibly Artimus Pyle, In My Brain

Brain_Jesus_image_2496093aTamaha MacDonald and Jennifer Lougee Mingramm

October 29, 2015

Jesus spotted in a brain scan, but the patient’s doctor doesn’t see it.

A scan of a stroke victim’s brain following emergency surgery reveals what her husband claims is a sign of divine intervention. A “figure” in the MRI looked to them both like an apparition of Jesus Christ.

 

brain jesus

When Tamaha MacDonald and his wife Jennifer Lougee Mingramm returned home from the hospital after Lougee Mingramm suffered a stroke, they started looking through a pile of X-rays taken during her treatment. The pair, who live in Mexico City, spotted an unusual image in an X-ray of Lougee Mingramm’s brain.

“We were both convinced we could see a face,” MacDonald said.

Although their doctor did not spot the resemblance, MacDonald, Lougee Mingramm and her family were convinced that an image at the centre of the scan depicted Jesus Christ.

 

After careful examination and a few hits on the ol’ bong, we at FuckThePope.com have concluded that the image is probably that of Artimus Pyle from the rock band Lynyrd Skynyrd.

pyle

 

Of Mudslides, Tacos and Sweat Socks

October 26, 2015

marmalite

A rash of Jesus sightings have appeared recently in mudslides and coffee cups, on marmalite lids, tacos, treestumps and  burned frying pans.

Our favorite sighting was this one from the UK –

 

sock

Sarah Crane, from Orpington, was stunned when she hung her laundry out to dry and discovered the face of Jesus staring back at her from a crumpled sock. The 44-year-old said the image immediately renewed her faith in God.
Miss Crane was so impressed by the clarity of the face she even built a shrine to the holy image.
‘I called my boyfriend over straight away – we could both clearly see the face of Jesus in the sock. There is a straight-on face, and a side profile too – we couldn’t believe it.’

Oddly enough, neither could we,

If you are a theist of any persuasion, ask yourself if your own beliefs are somehow less ridiculous than this.

Florida Couple Arrested For Selling ‘Golden Tickets’ To Heaven

 

August 3, 2015

 

titoTito and Amanda Watts got the tickets from Jesus behnd the KFC

Keep in mind that this is not in Zimbabwe or Uganda. This is friggin’ Florida and these two look like pretty bright folks. Oh, wait…

 

In our view, the astounding thing is not that they were selling tickets to heaven, because, hey, who doesn’t want to earn enough money to ride in a flying saucer to a planet made of drugs? The astounding thing is that they had $10,000 in cash with them when they were arrested. Did they really sell over 100 tickets? Were there really more than 100 people in the neighborhood of KFC as stupid as these two?

 

ticket

A married couple in Florida, Tito and Amanda Watts, were arrested a few days ago for selling “golden tickets to heaven” to hundreds of people.

They sold the tickets on the street for $99.99 per ticket, told buyers the tickets were made from solid gold, and that each ticket reserved the buyer a spot in heaven — simply present the ticket at the pearly gates and you’re in.

Tito Watts said in his police statement: “I don’t care what the police say. The tickets are solid gold… And it was Jesus who give them to me behind the KFC and said to sell them so I could get me some money to go to outer space. I met an alien named Stevie who said if I got the cash together he’d take me and my wife on his flying saucer to his planet that’s made entirely of drugs. You should arrest Jesus because he’s the one that gave me the golden tickets and said to sell them. I’m willing to wear a wire and set Jesus up….”

stevieStevie

Amanda Watts said in her police statement:” “We just wanted to leave earth and go to space and do drugs. I didn’t do nothing. Tito sold the golden tickets to heaven. I just watched.”

Police said they confiscated over $10,000 in cash, drug paraphernalia, and a baby alligator.

We don’t even want to guess what the alligator was for.

 

 

Pastor Sells ‘Holy Pens’ That Make Students Pass Exams Without Studying

prophet-sells-anointed-exam-pens

Claims The More You Pay The More You Pass

 

Sure, cheating is a Christian value, right?

October 21, 2015

Harare, Zimbabwe – A Local prophet is raising more questions than answers after selling ballpoints to congregants during his church service on Sunday, claiming that they are anointed.
Prophet Sham Hungwe of House of Grace International Church, who operates at Machipisa Shopping Centre, distributed hundreds of pens to people who are about to sit for exams.

The pens which cost at least 15 cents were being sold for different amounts ranging between US$1 and US$20 depending on what you can afford.

Prophet Sham said those who are sitting for their exams only needed faith and the anointed pen to pass. “It is anointed and I declare passes when your children sit for exams; when you sit for your exams ,” he said.

With the ‘O’ Level and ‘A’ Level examinations around the corner, the pens sold like hot cakes and congregants were seen scrambling to the pulpit to get them.

“They (pens) are said to work for anyone who is sitting for any test. My son is not very bright and I think this will help him. With the knowledge he has acquired and this pen from the man of God, I think it is going to work.”

One female congregants parted ways with more than US$10 for a pen as they were told the more they give, the more their faith and the more their children will pass.

One of the congregants testified that he scored 14 points at ‘A’ Level last year after using the pen he was given by Prophet Sham.

Prophet Sham went on to perform a number of miracles before thousands of worshippers who attended the service. A number of people gave testimonies of deliverance after getting prayers and anointing water from the man of God.

Singapore Megachurch Founder Convicted of Fraud

 

Kong HeeKong Hee, preacher and fraudster

October 24, 2015

The pastor of a Singapore megachurch was convicted of fraud on Wednesday, with a judge finding that he had used millions in church funds to promote his wife’s career in pop music.

The pastor, Kong Hee, of City Harvest Church, and five other church officials were convicted of charges related to the misuse of $36 million to support the career of Mr. Kong’s wife, Ho Yeow Sun, a singer also known as Sun Ho. The six church leaders were indicted in 2012, and their 140-day trial has been followed closely in Singapore, which is known for aggressively prosecuting corruption cases.

Mr. Kong and the other leaders, who were convicted of varying counts of criminal breach of trust, face up to 20 years in prison. No date has been set for their sentencing.

“The accused persons chose to engage in covert operations and conspiratorial cover-ups,” Judge See Kee Oon said. “They contrived to create cover stories and clever round trips concealing their unlawful conduct.”

Ms. Ho released several Mandarin-language albums in Taiwan and an English-language album aimed at the United States market, including “China Wine,” a 2007 song on which she collaborated with Wyclef Jean.

The church funded Ms. Ho’s first Mandarin albums, and in 2007, Mr. Kong tried to conceal those payments after a church member complained about how the donations had been used, Judge See found. Money from the church’s building fund was ostensibly put into bonds but was in fact used to promote Ms. Ho’s albums and career, the judge found. Additional funds were used in an effort to conceal the initial fraudulent investments, the court ruled.

The judge said that the defendants all believed that they were acting in the best interests of the church and that there was no evidence of wrongful gain. Church leaders believed that Ms. Ho’s music career could help the church expand its membership, according to news reports in Singapore.

Mr. Kong founded the Pentecostal church in 1989, and his ministry emphasized the material wealth that he said could come from spiritual devotion. Over two and a half decades, the church expanded drastically, with 15 weekend worship services and a reported membership of more than 17,000 last year. It has 50 affiliate churches with an additional 27,000 members, mostly in Indonesia, Malaysia and Taiwan.

 

Another hypocritical, self-involved fraudster. Religious leaders are either seriously deluded individuals or frauds – not 10% of the time, not 50% of the time, but 100% of the time.

West Virginia Preacher And Teacher Arrested For Child Sex Abuse

John CainJohn Cain – preacher, teacher and pedophile

 

October 23, 2015

 

CHAPMANVILLE, W.Va. – A Logan County teacher was arrested Friday and accused of sexually abusing a former student.

That teacher is also a preacher.

John Cain, 49, of Mallory, was arrested and charged with sexual abuse after the 17-year-old victim called police.

Police said there was evidence to back up the victim’s claims.

Cain is a teacher at Ralph Willis Vocational Center in Logan. He is also a preacher at Big Springs Missionary Baptist Church in Mallory.

Police said the investigation is far from over, and troopers expect even more charges to be filed next week.

ISIS Soldiers Rape Yazidi Women And Girls To ‘Make Them Muslim’

October 20, 2015

ISIS claims its brutal treatment of Yazidis — including murder, enslavement and rape — is justified by Islam
One former slave says she was raped by 12 men who claimed that by abusing her in such a way, she would “become Muslim”
Religious scholars insist ISIS’s actions have no basis in Islam: “They have hijacked Islam. They have denigrated, desecrated it”
Lalish, Iraq (CNN)Sitting on a shabby green sofa somewhere in the ISIS-controlled city of Mosul, Iraq, the militants laugh and joke as one of them films their excited chatter.

“Today is the female sex slave market day, which has been ordained,” explains a skinny, black-clad Jihadi, gesturing at the camera.

“With Allah’s permission, each will get a share,” promises another of the fighters.

“Where is my Yazidi girl?” asks the first, a wide grin splitting his straggly-bearded face.

The Yazidis are an ancient people, followers of a unique religion that blends elements of Islam, Judaism and Christianity with even more ancient practices, including sun worship.

They believe in a single god who created the Earth and left it in the care of a peacock angel, Malak Ta’us.

But this belief — decried as “devil worship” by ISIS — has been used by the Islamic extremists to justify murder, enslavement and rape.

Berlin Police Arrest Imam On Terrorism Charges

 

GadzhimuradGadzhimurad K, ISIS recruiter

The wars in Syria, Iraq and Yemen are, as all Mid East wars, religious. People are killing each other (and innocent bystanders) over religious trivia, like who was the legitimate successor to Mohamed. This man is promoting the killing.

October 20, 2015

BERLIN (AP) — Berlin state police say they have arrested a 30-year-old Russian imam on terrorism charges, alleging he tried to recruit members and support for the Islamic State group online and also procured equipment to send to its fighters in Syria.

Police said Thursday that Gadzhimurad K., from Dagestan, a Russian republic neighboring Chechnya, was arrested Wednesday on a warrant from state prosecutors. The suspect, who went by the alias Murat A., had been an imam at a mosque in downtown Berlin.

Authorities did not give his last name, in accordance with German privacy laws.

In addition to trying to recruit for Islamic State, prosecutors say he acquired night-vision devices, range finders, and other equipment for the group.

The investigation is continuing.

 

 

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