Archive for May, 2015
Ted, you and Mike Huckabee have successfully taken yourselves out of the presidential race by alienating about 95% of the American voting public on the issue of child sexual abuse. Good job, boys. We thank you.
Josh Duggar molested children, including his own little sisters, you stupid shithead, and you think the issue is the age difference?!?
Please keep right on speaking your mind. It is the only way be can be absolutely sure that you will never get elected to any office outside of Texas, the Somalia of the United States.
On a personal note, Ted, you always seem tight-lipped, even when you smile. Are you afraid a penis will fly by?
My mind is made up. Don’t try to confuse me with actual evidence, even if I’m the one who found it.
Edgar Nernberg is a creationist. And he won’t let a little thing like discovering a crucial link in the evolutionary chain change his mind.
Nernberg unearthed a perfectly preserved school of fossilized fish while digging a new basement in northwest Calgary, Alberta, the University of Calgary reports. He had a feeling he’d discovered something special.
Darla Zelenitsky, a paleontologist at the school, confirmed that the five fossil fish are 60 million years old. There are few complete fossils from that time period, so the fish are an influential tool in helping scientists show how animals evolved after dinosaurs went extinct.
“These fossil fish are important because they are very primitive representatives of a large group of bony fish known today,” she said.
Nernberg, however, thinks evolution is a sham. He lobbies to have creationism included in school syllabi and sits on the Big Valley Creation Science Museum’s board of directors.
The museum’s website says its exhibits “refute the lie of evolution.” Visitors can check out a display about dinosaurs and humans, which purportedly disproves that dinosaurs went extinct long before humans lived on Earth.
Paleontologists’ feedback on the fossils hasn’t changed Nernberg’s mind about evolution, he told the Calgary Sun.
“We all have the same evidence,” he told the paper, “and it’s just a matter of how you interpret it.”
It is the height of arrogance and intellectual laziness to answer every question about our world and the universe with ‘God did it’. Edgar Nernberg is an excellent example of this.
May 29, 2015
A large body of research shows that Millennials are significantly less religious than previous generations of young Americans. But as to whether the lack of religion seen in today’s Gen Y’ers (born between 1980 and the mid-1990’s) is transient or lasting, scientists aren’t sure.
But now a new review of surveys of more than 11 million adolescents, conducted over the course of almost 50 years, suggests that the religion divide between Millennials and their predecessors is a true generational one. According to the data, Millenials are much less interested in organized religion — and also less interested in spirituality in general.
“Unlike previous studies, ours is able to show that Millennials’ lower religious involvement is due to cultural change, not to Millennials being young and unsettled,” Dr. Jean Twenge, a psychologist at San Diego State University and of the researchers, said in a written statement.
May 26, 2015
Want to feel young, fresh, & occult-friendly? Wish the Cinnamon challenge gave you insight into the realms of the undead? Do the following:
- Draw a cross on a sheet of paper.
- Write some potential pre-set communiques for a disembodied pencil-swinging Mexican demon named Charlie (“yes” and “no” seem to work).
- Place two pencils crosswise and say “Charlie Charlie, are you there?”
- Wait until gravity kicks in, ignore how gravity works, and have yourself a documented meltdown over the spookiness of borderline-obsolete writing utensils moving slightly.
A Catholic priest has apparently issued an urgent warning about the dangers of “summoning a demon” by performing the weird Charlie Charlie Challenge.
In an open letter to pupils at a well-known Catholic school, Father Stephen McCarthy told told pupils there was no way of knowing what would happen if they decided to invite a Mexican ghoul into their home.
The letter was shared on Twitter by a pupil at the Saints John Neumann and Mario Goretti Catholic High School in Philadelphia, America.
The letter said: “There is a dangerous game going around on social media which openly encourages impressionable young people to summon demons.
“I want to remind you all there is no such thing as ‘innocently playing with demons’.
And we here at FuckThePope.com want to remind you that there is no such thing as a demon.
“Please be sure to NOT participate and and encourage others to avoid participation as well.
“The problem with opening yourself up to demonic activity is that it opens a window of possibilities which is not easily closed.”
Actually, we think that this is a good way for people to realize that there are no demons. It’s just another scare tactic by the religious.
It went on to advise anyone looking to enjoy communing with “spiritual entities” should consider taking part in a Catholic mass. Because that’s not a waste of your time. Right?
The Charlie Charlie Challenge erupted on social media yesterday.
The dubious rite involves placing two pencils on a piece of paper in the shape of a cross, before writing the words yes and no inside the four squares formed by the pencils.
Brave (or gullible) participants must then repeat the words “Charlie, Charlie are you here”.
If the pencil moves and points to yes, Charlie is in the house and you can draw upon his demonic life experience to ask him for guidance in the form of yes/no questions.
The letter has not been verified by Fr McCarthy or anyone at Saints John Neumann and Mario Goretti Catholic High School.
“There’s no demon called ‘Charlie’ in Mexico,” says Maria Elena Navez of BBC Mundo. “Mexican legends often come from ancient Aztec and Maya history, or from the many beliefs that began circulating during the Spanish conquest. In Mexican mythology you can find gods with names like ‘Tlaltecuhtli’ or ‘Tezcatlipoca’ in the Nahuatl language. But if this legend began after the Spanish conquest, I’m sure it would’ve been called ‘Carlitos’ (Charlie in Spanish).”
Guess who got caught with “tens of thousands” of pictures of underage girls? Pastor Tony Waller, that’s who.
JONESBORO, AR (KAIT) – A longtime children’s pastor in Jonesboro has been charged with computer child pornography, according to documents filed in Jonesboro District Court Wednesday afternoon.
Tony Waller, 39, had tens of thousands of files of nude or scantily clad pubescent girls in his possession, according to the Jonesboro Police Department.
Detective Brandon King, who is investigating Waller’s case, said it is one of the largest child pornography cases he has ever seen.
According to the affidavit, Waller’s wife told police she found child pornography on a laptop she and her husband shared. She told police while looking for a file, she stumbled across folders she did not recognize, which turned out to be thousands of videos and pictures of little girls.
When Waller’s wife confronted him, he admitted to having a child porn addiction for more than 20 years. He turned over the laptop and two drives to her, which she then gave to police.
King said it will take months to go through all of the pornographic files, and he praises Waller’s wife for what she did.
Mr Waller has worked at Jonesboro First Assembly of God since April 1999, according to the church’s website.
(And god only knows how many children he’s molested during his 15+ years of “serving the Lord”.)
Senior Pastor Matt Smith told Region 8 News that Waller has been fired from the church. “First of all to the best of our understanding, the allegations against Mr. Waller don’t involve anything with our church as far as we know,” Smith said on the phone.
TRANSLATION: “First of all, we gotta cover this up ASAP while simultaneously denying that anything happened to any of the thousands of children he’s been in close contact with.”
Smith said the church cut ties with Waller shortly after learning of the allegations.
“We are in a great deal of shock,” Smith said. “I encourage the church to handle this with three prongs of love: focus on loving each other as a church family, show tremendous of love to his family and continue to love him.”
TRANSLATION: “Nothing to see here, folks, move along now…”
I know, you’re shocked, SHOCKED! that a Pastor would have some weird sexual kink like a fixation with underage girls. Mostly because it’s never, ever happened before, right?
Just when you think religious people can’t possibly get any stupider, they prove you wrong.
For example, this Islamic preacher warns men who masturbate that they will get their hands PREGNANT… and they’ll have to look after their offspring in the afterlife. No, I’m not making this up.
An Islamic preacher has made the astonishing claim that those who masturbate will find their hands pregnant and be forced to raise the offspring in the afterlife.
Turkish preacher Mucahid Cihad Han made the comments in response to a viewer’s startlingly honest query during a broadcast on live TV.
According to Hurriyet Daily News, Han was appearing on the TV station 2000 TV when a man rang the station to confess that despite being married, he kept masturbating – even during the holy pilgrimage to Mecca known as Umrah.
Forced to repeat the question several times to the confused preacher, he was eventually advised that the act was forbidden.
‘Moreover,’ Han said, ‘One [saying] states that those who have sexual intercourse with their hands will find their hands pregnant in the afterlife, complaining against them to God over its rights.
‘If our viewer was single, I could recommend he marry, but what can I say now?’
He later posted on Twitter an interpretation of Islam which he said proved masturbation was forbidden, adding: ‘Lets keep ourselves out of trouble.’
Despite his claims, there are various interpretations in Islam regarding whether or not the act is forbidden.
Some claim is it simply frowned upon, or disliked, while others have said it is actually permissible should it help stop a man from committing adultery or other sins.
And there you have it- quite possibly the stupidest thing ever said by anyone, anywhere, at any time.
It’s been a good year for the Vatican bank as it works to scrub clean the sins of the past. Stronger income from trading securities including bonds and a fall in operating expenses drove a sharp rise in profits last year.
(TRANSLATION: Religion is a business, and business is booming!)
Net profits hit $76.1 million in 2014, up from $3.1 million a year earlier, according to the bank’s annual report released Monday. The bank said the improvement was “essentially the result of financial market developments.”
The bank serves thousands of Catholic charities, religious orders and dioceses around the world. For the past several years, it has been trying to shake off a reputation for murky dealings that date back decades.
(Actually, the stories of “murky dealings” date back almost to the first day the bank was incorporated, but let’s not get all tangled up in facts and stuff.)
It has been hit by a criminal investigation, high-level resignations and international accusations that it wasn’t doing enough to prevent money laundering.
(That’s because the Vatican bank was actively involved in money laundering, and no amount of hand-waving and reform will change that fact.)
Under new management, the Institute for the Works of Religion — as the bank is formally known — has shed hundreds of customers, dealt with past investment losses and improved transparency.
(TRANSLATION: We’ve dumped the less lucrative clients and found ways to plausibly explain the theft and market manipulation we’re engaging in.)
It currently has around 15,000 mostly institutional clients. More than 4,000 accounts were closed over the past year, 554 for not meeting the bank’s criteria.
The criteria being “having enough money to interest us”.)
In the report, bank president Jean-Baptiste Douville de Franssu said that “significant progress” had been made in adapting to the new regulatory environment, reviewing its interaction with tax authorities, and addressing the “misuse” of the past.
(TRANSLATION: We’ve gotten better at hiding what we’re doing and concealing our abusive banking practices.)
Presidential hopeful Mike Huckabee, pontificating on Josh Duggar, a child molester he knows:
In case you’re not familiar with who Mike Huckabee is defending, it’s a man named Josh Duggar, who is a reality TV star.
Josh Duggar issued an apology Thursday after reports surfaced that he molested girls as a teenager, saying: “I acted inexcusably.“
The fundamentalist Christian fondled his five victims, who were female minors, on the property of his family’s longtime church. According to the police report, Josh fondled the genitals and breasts of the girls, some of whom were sleeping, but sometimes they were interacting with him, for example in one case they were reading a book together.
Duggar, 27, is the oldest of the children who appear on TLC’s hit show “19 Kids and Counting.” The Duggars are known for being devout Christians who don’t believe in practicing birth control and whose children follow strict courtship rules.
Josh’s victims can rest easy because Josh says he “asked Jesus for forgiveness” and that he has indeed been “forgiven”. (Kinda cool how a third-party who wasn’t actually involved in the molestation can forgive you by proxy, isn’t it?)
And if that doesn’t ease your mind, remember, like Mike Huckabee says, “the girls were almost teenagers.” That’s right- some of the victims were almost 12 or 13 years old. Why, that just puts it in a whole new light!
I mean, according to Mike Huckabee fondling a 12-year old girl is basically okay, so what’s all the commotion about? Geez, can’t a guy molest a few children without every one getting all worked up about it?
Also, there is apparently no need for Super Christian Josh Duggar to seek forgiveness from his victims, because, well, that sounds like a lot of work and it could also be sort of embarrassing. Way easier to ask Jesus to let you slide on that one, eh?
And that brings us to Mike Huckabee, who seems more concerned with consensual sex between gays than he does with actual child molestation. Not exactly a ringing endorsement of a man who wants to be the leader of the most powerful country on Earth.